It's On...Like Donkey Kong

by RFP

Sometimes people say things and they have no idea what they are really saying.

All it takes is one person in mainstream society to utter some ridiculous phrase and the rest of America will latch onto it like barnacles on a bridge.

Athletes are the worst at this. They constantly steal material from each other. On a typical Sunday afternoon of football, count how many times you hear coaches and players say "at the end of the day" or "it is what it is" during interviews.

Sadly, two of my favorite phrases have gone unloved over the past few years. "Knowing is half the battle" of GI Joe folklore is said here and there in places where only hip late twentysomethings could nod appreciatively and let loose a laugh full of understanding and nostalgia.

The other one is "and that's one to grow on." I think that the world would be a better place if everyone who read this would say that phrase after they give someone the business. Like, "I think you need to loosen up. You're boring. No one needs to hang around a dullard like you. And that's one to grow on."

There is one phrase that has been used for years and it really bothers me: "It's on like Donkey Kong."

What does it mean?

As near as I can tell, phrase was first used in pop culture on Ice Cube's 1992 album, The Predator. The title track features dialogue from Predator 2, which took place in LA. The album also featured Cube standouts like "Wicked" and the immortal, "It Was a Good Day".

For our purposes, the track we are focusing on is "Now I Gotta Wet 'Cha," in which Ice Cube walks up to some guy and says, "You just won the wet T-shirt contest" followed by Cube pumping rounds of ammo into the wet T-shirt contest winner. Ah, the nineties.

The first line of the actual song is: "it's on like Donkey Kong."

Apparently, Donkey Kong is regarded as a mean mofo who won't hesitate to bust a cap in yo' bitch ass.

I'm not sure that I would classify DK as tough. I mean, he was all hung up on some skirt (like a pansy) and hid at the top of a tall building throwing barrels at a short Italian (like a coward).

He was deemed tough enough to replace Mike Tyson in the Wii's version of Punch Out!! If Muhammad Ali could beat Superman in a boxing match, then I am sure Iron Mike could beat Donkey Kong. Consequently, since Little Mac could beat Mike Tyson and Donkey Kong, I think he could take down Superman.





The phrase pops up in next in American Wedding, the goddawful third installment in the American Pie series when Stifler says it.

Don't you think some actors would have better careers if they just went by their character names. Let's face it, Seann William Scott will forever be known as Stifler. No matter how hard he tries, that's who he will always be. Aside from that, I would venture to say more people would know who Stifler was rather than Seann William Scott - even though they are the same person.

In my mind, the following movies in which Seann William Scott appeared were always described as follows:

• Final Destination - Stifler gets his head cut in two.
• Road Trip - Stifler acts like Stifler would in college.
• Dude, where's my Car? - Stifler and his friend lose their car after partying
• Bulletproof Monk - the one where Stifler tries to learn karate
• The Rundown - the one with The Rock and Stifler
• The Dukes of Hazzard - the one where Stifler is a Duke from Hazzard County
• Role Models - the one where Stifler tries to mentor a kid

I think it's been established that the pop culture world thinks Donkey Kong is tough. Why? I think it has to do with the original video game.

Recently, Steve Wiebe reclaimed the world record (as established by Twin Galaxies) from his rival, Billy Mitchell. 

Wiebe and Mitchell have a bitter rivalry (as a bitter a rivalry as can be had between two nerds who never see each other and play vintage video games) that have seen both men lose the record.

Spring 2007: Wiebe wins the record

Summer 2007: Mitchell regains it

March 2010: some rogue player named Hank Chien wins it

July 31, 2010: Mitchell wins it back

Aug 30, 2010: Steve Wiebe regains the title.

The rivalry is best chronicled in 2007's The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, a surprisingly awesome documentary that really chronicles Wiebe's attempts to have Mitchell face him in a head-to-head live tournament. Mitchell is played up as the Babe Ruth of video games, a legend who believes his own myth. But despite his arrogance, Mitchell dodges every attempt to even meet Steve Wiebe in person.

Billy Mitchell is unbelievable. You can get a glimpse of it below.

My favorite Billy Mitchell quote is one I saw in an interview with him about being a world Pac-Man champion: "I'm often asked by people: 'Somebody wants to be a world champion, what do they do?' and the very first bit of advice I give them is, forget it. I say, you don't become a world champion. It's in your DNA."

Yes, your skills at Pac-Man are genetically encoded into your chromosomes. So if you suck at video games, you will always suck. What a douchehole.

Anyway, Donkey Kong is portrayed time and time again as the hardest thing in life. It's such a challenging, tough game to beat.

During the '80s, video games and arcades were big business. Systems like Nintendo and the Sega Genesis started to destroy all that, but Donkey Kong and Pac-Man were a big part of pop culture in those days. 

That must be the answer. "It's on like Donkey Kong" means "I'm gonna whup yo' ass, sucka." Or something like that. Because Donkey Kong has a reputation for a being a challenging game to beat. If someone says, "It's on Like Donkey Kong", it means that you are going to get challenged and probably lose.

Although none of that explains Trace Adkins' ode to big butts, 'Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk'. Besides being an extremely stupid song and song title, the lyrics don't make sense.

"Got it goin' on/ Like Donkey Kong/ And whoo-wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma"

How does a girl have it going on like Donkey Kong? Is she big and hairy and she's whipping barrels at your head? Or is just her ass big and hairy?

To each, his own. And that's one to grow on.

-RFP
www.miserableretailslave.com